Mothering

 I’m reminded through the Bible study that I’m doing called Mom Set Free about the importance of purposeful parenting and how these little eyes really are watching and learning from what we do.  Yes, we will fail and we are not going to be perfect moms (and that’s where God’s grace enters), but what we do, what we say, how we act, how we spend our time, does matter!  And now that we have an 11-year-old, I’m really starting to see how much he is observing and learning from me.  


Today I learned that he is watching how I mother Lucas.  And that’s scary because of my struggles with Lucas.  They are big and overwhelming and not pretty.  Lucas who has Down Syndrome.  Lucas who is different.  Lucas who has had two heart surgeries.  Lucas who was in the hospital for almost his whole first year of life. Lucas who I didn’t get to hold until he was 8 days old.  Lucas who I didn’t get to nurse.  Lucas who I didn’t get to bring home until he was 3 months old.  Lucas who turned our lives upside down.  Lucas who doesn’t eat and vomits his baby food in the middle of feeding him.  Lucas who has a G tube.  Lucas who has no desire to eat.  Lucas who is nonverbal.  Lucas who doesn’t walk.  See, it’s not pretty.  I can say that I have a really hard time understanding my son.  I have yet to bond with him.  I can also say that I love him and I REALLY hope he has a beautiful, long life and that he is happy.  And I know he is going to teach us stuff. 


I am also learning from my Bible study  that parenting humbles us daily.  Parenting shines light BRIGHTLY on ALL of our failures, mishaps, problems, and mistakes.  And so I KNOW Lucas is one way of daily reminding me how much I need God, how I need to depend on Him for everything in every moment.  And that’s painful at times when I am feeling sorry for myself, but a good thing because then I can hopefully lean on and trust in God.  


Lucas has also shown me some wonderful things.  The other kids love him just the same and I love seeing them with him.  I have enjoyed a few really great hugs from him and I look forward to enjoying more.  And he’s got a pretty great smile and a joyful disposition.  


So I just hope God continues to have patience with me as I learn how to love my little guy with all my heart.  💕

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  Our 7th child, born on 9/11, Lucas John……..HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY LIL MAN!!!!!     Oh what to say - I don’t want to get too wordy!!!    His first year of life was spent in three NICUs - East TN, Vandy, and Boston.    His first year of life he underwent two heart surgeries.    He lived at home with us on oxygen and a feeding tube.    He didn’t start eating solid food until he was 3.5 years old.    He just started walking this summer.    He doesn’t talk much.    He’s not where he should be developmentally.    He has many scars from all of his hospitalizations.    Where his chest was cracked open for his heart surgeries, it still bulges out.    He has Down Syndrome.    And until this last summer I could just stop there and say “The End”.    My heart was full of bitterness, brokenness, and anger.    I didn’t understand why God chose me to be his mom and ashamedly I really didn’t want to be.    But praise the Lord that is not the end.    This summer, unbeknownst to him, one of our foster kids
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