October 15
Hello!
Yesterday marked my one year anniversary of brokenness. Or how do I say it better? A year ago God allowed a tremendous trial to come my way in order for me to see all my darkness. The big giants in my life. FEAR. ANXIETY. DEPRESSION. PTSD. WORRY. Things I’ve been toting around most of my life. Things that were so second nature to me I barely realized they were there anymore. But God wanted better for me. He has been faithful to go into the depths of the darkness of my soul in order that it can be replaced with His glorious light. The Holy Spirit has been my helper through all of this. It has not been easy. And now reprogramming my brain to respond differently is tough and something that I have to be ever mindful of. But again, I know the Spirit within me is helping me.
From Romans 5:3-5 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. ESV
So suffering points to endurance and endurance points to character and character points to hope and hope does not put us to shame. From Mom Set Free By Jeannie Cunnion, “Hope is anchored in how very much we can trust that God loves us and is for us, even in our suffering”.
And through this trial, this suffering, I am moving towards God. I am learning to trust. To have hope. Faith. To love. And through this, our family received a blessing. Miss Natalie Clare. Sweet Natalie. We were so surprised to find out we were expecting her, it was barely possible. But not impossible for God. Then a pregnancy complication that lasted into my second trimester. Then news at the 20 week ultrasound that something wasn’t quite normal with her heart. This sent us to a pediatric cardiologist whom after a few visits determined that it was “an interesting finding, but nothing to be concerned about”. Then, on her birthday, it was discovered that her cord was tied in a true knot. But she is here. God delivered her to us. She is a miracle.
God loves you. He wants to work and move freely in your life. Honor him. Praise Him. He’s for you. He’s there in the dark times. He will work it all out.
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