The Wooden DCUK

 Today was a fail.  I woke up feeling semi ready to take on the day.  God’s been showing me how much I need to mediate on His word when I’m having negative emotions or bad thoughts - to give praise and thanks and focus on scripture.  

And then it happened.......

My son, who was supposed to be going outside to watch his sisters, decided to put the cat on a high shelf above our TV where quite a few sentimental things are sitting.  My beloved duck came crashing to the ground and it’s head broke off and also a part of it’s rain boot.  

This duck.  it’s silly, but it has brought me joy looking at it.  I have even joked that I covet this duck.  It does have a story though.......The first time Sean and I took Lucas to Boston in March/April 2019 for his heart surgery, we found this duck in Rockport, MA.  

We initially were scheduled to have Lucas’ heart surgery at Vanderbilt in February of 2019, but the day before his surgery, at his pre-op appointment, the surgeon decided that his case was too complicated and refused to do his surgery.  We went home feeling so defeated and hopeless.  We had just quarantined our family for over two months so he wouldn’t get sick and he would be able to have the surgery.  And he was sick and on oxygen and we were really hoping the surgery would make him better.  And my in-laws had flown from Colorado to help us out. 

So we were accepted at Boston Children’s and headed there a little over a month later, while leaving our other 6 children back in Tennessee for three weeks.  It was hard.  

While we were in Boston, Sean and I took the time to sight see and we really became familiar with the city and fell in love with it.  One of the days we took a train up to Rockport, about an hour from Boston, and found this little wooden duck - it’s company is called DCUK.  

So when it broke today, I flew off the handle and got way angrier than I should have at my son and threw the duck, yelled, and slammed the door.  I know I scared him.  In all honesty, I scared myself.  I should not have let it get to me that much.  My son is far more important than that duck.  I cried and cried for what I did and asked both God and my son for forgiveness.  

Sean is going to glue the duck and probably some time down the road I can look at the cracks and laugh.  Maybe ???

My son forgave me thankfully and I forgive him and I know God forgives me, but I feel terrible today.  I have a hard time forgiving myself.