Turn it around

 Today God led me to focus turning all those hurts, trials, and hardships into proofs of His grace and mercy.  How He was there for it all and He turns it all for good for those who love Him.  

1. My parents may have divorced, but it gave me a strong conviction to not ever divorce and I might not have had that otherwise.  I KNOW I needed that conviction because our first year of marriage was extremely hard with moving to California from Georgia and then Sean leaving for about a year on deployment, some of that time in Iraq.  And then the PTSD that followed. 
2. Yes, I moved a lot between Georgia and Florida while I was growing up, but I enjoyed both places and I am glad to say I was raised in both. And actually born in Louisiana.  
3. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I became one, but once I was saved God showed me how it should be something I flee from and it was easier to realize that I should because of my family history.  
4. Two miscarriages devastated me and they were both super scary because I was hemorrhaging and needed emergent D&Cs, but oh how I am often reminded to be so so thankful for the children the Lord has blessed us with.  My firstborn was also a complicated pregnancy with six weeks in the hospital and again I am reminded to be thankful for the little guy.  Although he’s not so little anymore!  It also reminds me that even though we were fearful of it happening if we tried to have a second child, we took a scared step forward in mustard seed sized faith and God blessed us with 7 more.  
5. The excruciating chest pain and general all over pain helped me to realize how anxious and depressed I was.  It began my journey with God towards healing.  Healing that is still happening.  It’s easier for me to be fearful and anxious than not so it’s a daily battle where I just hope the Lord is arming me with the tools to survive and overcome it.  
6. Lucas, little Lucas.  Precious teddy bear.  Even though more often than not I am far from exhibiting thankfulness for his little life, he IS a blessing.  Not just for me, but I pray for many others.  His smile is contagious and heart warming and I know he is going to teach our family so much.  He is Lucas, which means light and John, which means Jehovah has been gracious.  That pretty much sums it up. 
7. Sean going to war, leaving for so long, PTSD, the Marine Corps - well, I admire military families so very much.  Especially wives that CAN do it because I could not.  And I just have a special place in my heart for our service men and women and their loved ones and veterans.  It has given me a greater appreciation for what they do, but also for our country.  AND of course I am reminded of the fact that Sean came home and he is amazing and my hero. 
8. I am at a loss for thankfulness for anorexia and sexual abuse and drug use, but I do know God saw me through it.  And so for that I am grateful. 
9. Sweet baby girl Natalie.  It’s still so new and raw and I am overwhelmed and emotional over it all and over her.  I don’t even know where to start with the thankfulness for her.  I don’t think I have come close to articulating it even slightly well.  God used her to rescue me.  I was not excited to be pregnant with her (shamefully).  I was so scared, so messed up.  And God did not make it easy, but He never left me and He gave us this little girl.  Through Natalie, God brought all my darkness to light.  It was so painful and I think about it daily, but I would never want it any other way now.  I couldn’t understand it, but now I have seen God’s greatness, His love, His mercy, His grace, His power, His wisdom.  I’m sure, being a flawed human, I can’t even understand the depths of it.  

And that’s just it.  I have seen HIs amazing works in my life, in my husband’s life, in our children’s lives, but also in friends and family and their awesome stories of God’s goodness towards them.  And in wonderful amazement it doesn’t stop there.  God gives it to us every day......though His living word, through His Son, through beautiful sunsets, the changing seasons, nature, and creation, the animal kingdom and on and on.  It all points to Him.  How glorious.  

And I’ll leave you with our fall cheese, cracker, pretzel, fruit plate.  It was devoured in minutes!