The Lord Bless You

 The alarm went off at 540 am as it does everyday, but I snoozed it until almost an hour had passed.  I rationalized that it was a Sunday and that we didn’t need a whole lot of time to get ready and load into the van, head to Panera to pick up our breakfast, get to church and get settled in our room so we can hear the morning’s message.  

As it usually goes, we seem to be doing well time wise and we have the chance that we may make it by the start of service until we don’t!  We got into the van around 847 (we should have left at 830), but we got our Panera order relatively quickly (it’s 902 now and service started two minutes ago).  However, then we realize we had forgotten to order Andrew’s chocolate croissant so we go back to Panera and by the time we leave it is close to 915.  

I had decided to turn on YouTube on my phone so we could live stream the message.  Then one of my favorite songs started - The Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you...... (The Blessing by Kari Jobe) and it just felt like God had put the song on just for me.  I could feel his presence so strongly and the tears started to well up in my eyes. I could barely even mutter the lyrics.  I was so taken up by God.  It’s amazing how you can feel Him so undoubtedly sometimes; it’s almost too much.  It makes me think of when Moses couldn’t even look at God because of his pure holiness and glory.  

We pull up to church and go inside and really we hadn’t missed any of the message.  And as I listened to our pastor I couldn’t help but feel the message was tailored specifically for me, as well.  Like one of those turning points in my walk with the Lord.  How when we sin, which we will, that the best thing to do is to expose it, confess it, shine light on the darkness, destroy the sin and the stronghold it has over us.  That we will sin, it’s not a case of if, but when, and that we aren’t perfect, but that’s not the point and not what God is expecting.  That exposing the sin and then focusing on the gospel is what helps.  There isn’t a secret formula or strategy that will get rid of the sins that have hung around for years because that is where I get a stuck.  OK, so I’ve told God I’ve failed once again and I seek His forgiveness, I truly want to do better, it is my heart’s desire.  But then what?  How do I actually change the behavior I know so well and fall back on so often even though I don’t want it there at all.  I know I fail before I fail so why change?  That’s it - focus on the gospel!!!!!  

So I felt the heavy burden to go to God and confess my deeply embedded sins, especially when it comes to my husband and children, my thoughts, my anxiety, my mistrust in God.  

I feel free.  I am experiencing the grace.  

God never fails.  He always love.  He keeps pursuing.