A Storybook of Grace

 I know we’ve all had one of those days!  The boys were vacuuming and one of them vacuumed up a toy.  It smelled disgusting - burning toy.  So that vacuum was out.  They started using the second vacuum and blew out the circuit.  Second vacuum out.  Along with lights, TV, and outlets.  By noon I was exhausted and I still had quite a few things to take care of.....like children.  And home schooling.  Fortunately, I have a husband who can fix things.  He was able to get both vacuums working again and the power restored in the living room.  Then that night Natalie threw up/spit up multiple times.  And you know what the crazy thing was and why I’m even talking about this?  I realized the next day that I was thinking about how it has been a good day!  What?!  Oh, little victories!  Thank you, Jesus!!!  Praise, praise, praise.   Oreo spider cookies we made today from blessthismessplease.com  My ...

  It’s been awhile!   Our church was fasting for a week and so we decided to participate, but not with fasting from food.   I can’t do that right now because I’m nursing the baby so we decided to fast from electronics.   We stayed away from texts, emails, internet, television, and Alexa (ha ha) for a week.   Embarrassingly enough, I struggled with it at times.   I thought I would struggle most with not texting, but in fact I struggled with not being able to laze about after the kids are theoretically done for the night and veg in front of the television.   My husband and I are going through all the seasons of Heartland on Pure Flix so that’s our guilty pleasure in the evenings at the moment. I was also missing looking at sports scores.   On the positive side, we learned a lot!  When it’s quiet, I can hear God better.  I decided to spend my time doing other things like coloring and reading instead of watching TV. I felt more present as ...

 Hello!   Yesterday marked my one year anniversary of brokenness.  Or how do I say it better?  A year ago God allowed a tremendous trial to come my way in order for me to see all my darkness.  The big giants in my life.  FEAR.  ANXIETY.  DEPRESSION.  PTSD.  WORRY.  Things I’ve been toting around most of my life.  Things that were so second nature to me I barely realized they were there anymore.  But God wanted better for me.  He has been faithful to go into the depths of the darkness of my soul in order that it can be replaced with His glorious light.  The Holy Spirit has been my helper through all of this.  It has not been easy.  And now reprogramming my brain to respond differently is tough and something that I have to be ever mindful of.  But again, I know the Spirit within me is helping me.   From Romans 5:3-5  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that sufferi...

 I’m reminded through the Bible study that I’m doing called Mom Set Free about the importance of purposeful parenting and how these little eyes really are watching and learning from what we do.  Yes, we will fail and we are not going to be perfect moms (and that’s where God’s grace enters), but what we do, what we say, how we act, how we spend our time, does matter!  And now that we have an 11-year-old, I’m really starting to see how much he is observing and learning from me.   Today I learned that he is watching how I mother Lucas.  And that’s scary because of my struggles with Lucas.  They are big and overwhelming and not pretty.  Lucas who has Down Syndrome.  Lucas who is different.  Lucas who has had two heart surgeries.  Lucas who was in the hospital for almost his whole first year of life. Lucas who I didn’t get to hold until he was 8 days old.  Lucas who I didn’t get to nurse.  Lucas who I didn’t get to bring home until ...

  We continued with a fall- themed weekend.  Sunday after church we headed over to the Sand Dunes, a place we hadn’t been before.  It has a 2 mile loop that we did.  Children are funny.  During church they all want to run around, but on the trail they all want to sit down because they are so tired.  Go figure, right?!  I did feel a sense of accomplishment after completing the two miles.   Yesterday afternoon we drove into Wisconsin and went to Brighton Woods Apple Orchard.  They have the best apples and apple cider.  We also walked on a trail there, very windy and a little chilly, but fun.  The leaves are so beautiful right now.  They were supposed to have apple cider donuts there, but didn’t, so we went to Mars Cheese Castle and got the best cheese curds I’ve ever tasted and the best apple cider donuts I’ve ever had.  Actually its the first time I’ve ever had apple cider donuts so I don’t have anything to compare it to, b...

Ahhh, the masks!!!  Lol  We took the family to a new to us pumpkin patch today....Patch 22.  Last year, we had gone to a different one, both are super close to our house, which is nice.  This one had a hay ride, petting farm, pumpkin nursery, playground, and pony rides.   We have gone to a pumpkin patch I think every year since Ryan was born.  The one we used to go to in Florida was probably my all time favorite and there was a really good one in Tennessee, too.  Unfortunately they get pretty expensive, but it is a lot of fun.  This year, along with our carving pumpkin, I got 8 little pumpkins for our 8 little pumpkins :). And they are on my windowsill above the kitchen sink, which will bring me joy while I do the dishes.  :)

Natalie had her first food last night and she did pretty good.  She nummed on the spoon.  That is probably not a word.  :). We fed her hard boiled egg yolk with salt.  I was a little hesitant with feeding her because of Lucas probably.  It’s really tough watching him gag on everything and his inability to eat any solids or drink any liquids by mouth.  All he can really eat is baby food.  But I know we need to be thankful.  We were rejoicing that Natalie didn’t gag though  lol!!!!   Lucas went to the cardiologist this morning and his checkup was great.  He had an echo and EKG and everything looked the same as 6 months ago so yay for that.  His weight and height are both good, too.  So I’d say overall a good day!  Things for me emotionally with Lucas have really improved this week, too.   We’ve had some great hugs and I’ve gotten that mushy feeling for him and have been able to enjoy him much more this week.  ...

  Today God led me to focus turning all those hurts, trials, and hardships into proofs of His grace and mercy.    How He was there for it all and He turns it all for good for those who love Him.    My parents may have divorced, but it gave me a strong conviction to not ever divorce and I might not have had that otherwise.  I KNOW I needed that conviction because our first year of marriage was extremely hard with moving to California from Georgia and then Sean leaving for about a year on deployment, some of that time in Iraq.  And then the PTSD that followed.  Yes, I moved a lot between Georgia and Florida while I was growing up, but I enjoyed both places and I am glad to say I was raised in both. And actually born in Louisiana.   Alcoholism runs in my family, and I became one, but once I was saved God showed me how it should be something I flee from and it was easier to realize that I should because of my family history.   Two miscarriag...

  Do you know the depths of God’s love for you? I really struggle in this area.   And God keeps making it abundantly clear to me how much He loves me, but how little I TRUST that He loves me.   Instead I am constantly waiting for the next tragedy to strike.   I am so fearful that if I am not living up to some kind of high standard that either He or I has set, then He is going to punish me or someone I love or both.   So I feel like if I make mistakes, I will lose something precious to me; it will be taken away.   Then I feel all this guilt because I’m not doing what He wants me to do, I’m not doing what I want me to do, and I’m also letting down everyone around me.   It’s almost as if I can dimly see all his blessings, I know they surround me, I could write pages and pages of things that are beautifully made by and given to me/us from God, but something is missing.   Then, through my Bible study this morning (Moms Set Free), something the author s...

 Little Miss is 16 weeks ;)

  Today was a fail.   I woke up feeling semi ready to take on the day.   God’s been showing me how much I need to mediate on His word when I’m having negative emotions or bad thoughts - to give praise and thanks and focus on scripture.   And then it happened....... My son, who was supposed to be going outside to watch his sisters, decided to put the cat on a high shelf above our TV where quite a few sentimental things are sitting.  My beloved duck came crashing to the ground and it’s head broke off and also a part of it’s rain boot.   This duck.  it’s silly, but it has brought me joy looking at it.  I have even joked that I covet this duck.  It does have a story though.......The first time Sean and I took Lucas to Boston in March/April 2019 for his heart surgery, we found this duck in Rockport, MA.   We initially were scheduled to have Lucas’ heart surgery at Vanderbilt in February of 2019, but the day before his surgery, at his...